Our God is healer...

She came blazing into our hearts, 9 weeks early.  After a 17 hour labor we welcomed our tiny precious miracle via c-section at 5:29am February 18.  Weighing in at 3lbs 6oz and a mere 16" long, she was removed two months too soon but let out a cry that lasted about 3 seconds.  3 seconds that "daddy" and I will cherish and never forget.  The cries turned to silence and I knew that on the other side of the blue drape and on the opposite side of the operating room, my little girl was no longer breathing.  I asked Chris a question that I already knew the answer to, "they are intubating her, arent they?" in which his response was "yes."

 As they rushed her past her mom, and the only home she had known, they stopped just briefly enough for us to meet face to face.  Finally, the life that I had grown to love and protect from day one was right before my eyes and all I could do was look at that miniature face and resist the urge to cry out "No!  Its too soon, she's not ready, I'm not ready" and then that moment was gone, and she was gone.  It was just me, Chris, and about 8-10 CJW medical staff.  I lay their as they put me back together, feeling so helpless and full of wonder, fear and guilt.
I woke up 3 hours later full of heartache and emptiness.  A time when most mothers would be cuddling their new baby, counting fingers and toes and pointing out cute little attributes on their new family member...I spent calling the NICU to see if my baby was even going to make it.  Upon calling the unit, I was filled in on "Baby girl Cimburke's" current condition.  I was asked "What have you decided to call her?", at that moment I realized my child did not even have a name up until right now.  The life they had just put all of their medical knowledge into saving was just "baby girl" and she was just another hour in their day.  "Alexis Ruth is her name" I said, "and she is going to change our whole world, God has big plans for her" I thought.  I asked when we would be able to see her.  I knew I would not be allowed up for many hours to come, as I was still recovering from the surgery.  Being veteran NICU parents, we knew Chris could go back and see her and get some pictures to bring back to me.  So daddy went to meet his little princess, about 5 hours after she came into this world.  By the end of the night I too was able to see our little girl, of course she was hooked up to everything imaginable but seeing past the tube breathing for her, I met our beautiful miracle.

 I was instantly filled with HOPE and LOVE and FAITH and knew from that moment our lives had been changed again.
About 3 hours into little Lexi's 2nd day, her left lung collapsed and the quick acting and highly experienced NICU team put in a chest tube to release the air.  I will not even try to explain the emotions that rushed through this mother's body the moment I heard that the left as well as the right lung had both collapsed and the once vibrant, wiggly child that I had bonded with in utero over the course of 7 months now had two new accessories coming out of the sides of her body.  Alexis had proved to be unpredictable with two collapsed lungs; two chest tubes; and a new, less invasive, but much more intimidating oscillator breathing for her.  This oscillator shook her tiny lifeless body, from head to toe.  An image no mother should have to see, yet I felt so blessed in that instant.  Thankful that I am a child of God and that as much as I loved that little girl on that critical table, her creator loved her even more.  This was a gift to us,  Alexis is a blessing to us from God and in that very point in time I prayed over her, dedicating her to Him.

 

The days following that grim Sunday, were promising.  Filled with hope and prayer.  She was recovering and her lungs were rapidly healing.  Alexis Ruth was determined to surprise her medical team and show them just how big of a God we have. Both lungs had healed and right, after left, both chest tubes were removed.  We were confident that each lung would now be able to hold the pressure of the ventilator.  While surrendering her body to this machine, employed to breathe for her, Lexi was completely sedated and any expansion of her lungs by her own will was strongly discouraged.  During this time, it was not beneficial or allowed that I touch or talk to her.  We had discovered that Miss Alexis knew her mama.  She knew my touch, my sound, my scent....me.  That tiny little girl knew me and was excited by me.  If she were to "know" I was there, her heart rate would pick up and you would see that she was trying to breathe against the oscillator.  The only familiarity she had, was in her mother and mommy just wanted to scoop her up and rock her pains away.  At this time, she needed to rest and allow her body to heal...not to push beyond what it was capable of.
Approximately 9 hours into her 6th day, the breathing tube was removed!!  She was now able to expand her lungs and take in her own breaths, without the invasive assistance of the over powering machine!

Praise be to the Lord above, her lungs were healed and properly functioning.  A nasal cannula became her newest accessory, puffing a bit of oxygen into her nasal passages encouraging her to breathe but allowing her to transition from ventilator to room air. Without the ventilator, mommy and daddy would finally get their first chance to hold their sweet little surprise. And, man was that an awesome moment?!

 On the 9th day, the oxygen was removed and little Lexi, small and mighty, was officially breathing 100% without assistance!!  I stand humbled over her isolette (formerly known as an incubator) looking into the clear box at the miracle of life, the greatest gift ever given to a couple.

 

 Alexis is being fed through a feeding tube, something we are all too familiar with from the trials and journey of big brother Josiah.  She is getting an ounce every 3 hours of mommy's milk, through her tube, mixed with human milk fortifier to help her gain weight.  Also, like her two older siblings, she is battling with bradycardias (drop in heart rate typically below 80bpm) and apnea (not breathing for longer than 20 seconds) as well as some reflux issues.

There is a very long road ahead of us, but the Lord is leading our family and carrying us through the rockiest portions.  We will praise him through it all, God is good...he is always good.