Know to expect, the unexpected....

The day started out as planned, only to end in heartache.  Arriving at MCV at 10am, we were asked to have a seat in the waiting area.  This is where we remained with some of our close family and friends.  We were taken back to the pre-op room, met with doctor's, surgeons, attendees and nursing staff.

(happy boy prior to surgery)
The surgery was pushed back about 3 1/2 agonizing hours which would bring flares of impatience upon any soul.  After the hours of waiting and the days of preparedness it all comes down to one final moment, handing you sweet child over to a stranger. One whom aspires to calm many worries; but even in her strongest efforts, fails.  Headed back to the waiting room, I wipe away one quick tear.  We grab the supportive family members who were able to be there and down to the cafeteria we head, pager in hand.  They give you a pager upon arrival so that you may walk the premises of the hospital and remain in contact with the latest on your family member.  45 minutes later they paged us to inform us; anesthesia is successful, IV is in place and the operation has begun.  We passed time while in the waiting area and the paged again just to update that things were progressing well.  The final call came through at 6:30pm, he was waking up and did well.

I then learned that once inside of him, a hiatal hernia was exposed to the eye of the dr.  He first completed the operation to repair the hernia, then did the intended surgery on his sphincter, and put in the Gastric Tube.

This picture shows the G-Tube, as well as a few of the incisions.  (there were 5 total) He will get a majority of his feedings through this "G-Tube" also known as a "button".

We were told to head up to the pediatric unit and wait for him to be admitted there.  We got up to the PACU (Pediatric Acute Care Unit) at 8pm.  Basically when a child is not well enough to be on the pediatric floor, but not critical enough for ICU (Intensive Care Unit)  they are sent to the PACU.

This was the first time seeing the post operative, suffering child of mine.  Gasping with each breath, moaning and unable to open his eyes.  This was enough to tear down any wall of strength I may be known to posses.  Standing at his bedside soaking him in my tears I tried to sing him my lullaby which is always his comfort.  Chris and I, yearning to hold and cuddle him, stood there feeling helpless.  Suddenly that oh so popular feeling of nausea began to creep up on me and I had to find a restroom.

The most horrible sight awaited me in that hospital room as I returned from the restroom.  There stood my husband, the nurse, and my non-responsive child.  He had stopped breathing just as the nurse tried to give him Tylenol orally.   The typical "save all" of stimulating him, was not enough.  He was BLUE and not breathing,  The nurse called out "Get me an ambu-bag!!"  3 other nurses came running in, and Dr.s were paged.  Mommy and daddy stood in the corner looking on at their lifeless baby.  They watched him turn from blue and stiff, to completely limp.  Josiah was laid out on the bed, the nurses were talking loudly in code, squeezing the ambu bag (CPR bag), trying to resuscitate their patient and our son.  The lump in my throat turned into uncontrollable tears. Teeth clinched, hands held tight onto Chris, I fought back the urge to scream "BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE".  The stats began to rise and the nurses seemed more at ease.  Morphine was administered through his IV and he once again appeared okay.  Many different doctors, including some who were present during surgery, came to see him.  They ordered a chest x-ray, which was completed and read all in a matter of minutes.  Nothing appeared outside of the normal surgical and anesthesia related issues.  They continued to give him "blow by" oxygen (oxygen placed in front of the child but not forced in). Then it all repeated itself, each time they would bag him, get his stats up, then it would all happen again!  More doctor's arrived with more nurses and things quickly became more aggressive. A team of anesthesiologist came in and were preparing to intubate him (put a breathing tube in, to breathe for him).  I have never in my life felt more helpless and traumatized.  It was truly the worse thing we have ever experienced.  Hand in hand, shattered parents continued to watched, staying as far out of the way as possible.  We watched the numbers drop, his color change and the worry of  "are they gonna get him back?" "its not working!" "come on buddy, breathe" "its dropping again".  The feeling of standing by and watching your child slip in and out of consciousness is something I cannot even begin to describe.  At one point there were a total of 6-8 doctors and 8-10 nurses!

They stuck something in his IV to counteract the morphine and got him to breathe with forced oxygen through a nasal cannula. Only now he was once again in pain.  Then we were taken straight to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and they gave him a very minimal dose of morphine to help make him be more comfortable, but not too comfortable.  He started moaning again about 2 hours later and was having a difficult time breathing.  They gave him a Tylenol suppository to see if that would help with the pain.  An hour later he woke up and freaked out, he let out a cry and then stopped breathing and he dropped his oxygen level substantially. His "team" came rushing in and were able to get him back up in a good range.  They gave him another small does of morphine, as he was in obvious pain.  Trying to pull of his oxygen, leads and IV, he really showed his "strong man" side.  I stood at his bedside restraining him as we waited for it to kick in.

As we all know, Josiah has had many issues with Apnea.  These occurrences tonight seemed to be associated with a few things; enduring the surgery, having a breathing tube for hours during surgery, anesthesia, and the pain medication.  All of these things can aggravate his existing history of Apnea.  If he continues to have them and needing resuscitation he will be ventilated again (breathing tube back in to breathe for him).

It is currently 2:20am and for some reason the blog never shows the correct time.  We will see what tomorrow has in store for us!